Being Held and Free

I’ve spent way too many years of my life trying to please people. Whether it be navigating small talk with strangers in the hope of being accepted or my endless sacrifices for the people I love the most. 

I come from a huge loving family. They are vibrant, outgoing and passionate. They want the best for their people, they want you to be happy and to always do the right thing.

I was reading Glennon Doyle’s best selling book Untamed when her description of family struck me.  Glennon writes “A broken family is a family in which any member must break herself into pieces to fit in. A whole family is one in which each member can bring her full self to the table knowing that she will always be both held and free.”

My full self was never at the table. The parts of me that felt held showed up, the rest of me graciously bowed out. Being held means I felt cared for and safe. I also knew that the more I did right, the more I felt loved. The problem was that I was questioned when I tried to be free.

What my heart longed for felt reckless so taking the safe path became the right choice. Have you ever done what somebody else suggested instead of what you really wanted? I don’t think we realize that by steering each other toward what we think is best that we sacrifice their spirit in the process.

This how I became a textbook people pleaser. Oprah describes it as, “suffering from the disease to please”. I had learned to seek the approval of others through my actions. Don’t rock the boat they said, well here come the waves.

The day I chose to be free was the bravest, scariest, loneliest day of my life. It was the day that I went left when everyone else was going right and I had nothing but my own knowing to believe in.

My choice that day was the pivotal moment of change in my life. It has brought me tremendous experiences and opportunities that I would have otherwise never known. This path was offered to me in good faith, with no guarantees. That’s what it takes to really believe in possibility.

It takes unbelievable courage to forge your own path. To trust yourself, to walk alone and to be free, all while those around you do everything within their love to hold you back.

Keeping those we love safe is easier on our heart sometimes than experiencing their vulnerability.

Keeping those we love safe is easier on our heart sometimes than experiencing their vulnerability. Read that again. It’s unbelievably selfish that we choose our own comfort above someone else’s potential.

But what if they fail? What if they get hurt? It’s not worth the risk…but what if it was worth it? What if they believed they could and they did?

Being free is being accepted and loved for exactly who we are without judgement. It’s having faith in their ability to know themselves and supporting them in their pursuit of purpose.

Maybe they don’t need directions in their life, just a reminder to believe in themselves.

We’ve all been questioned for our choices at some point. Whether it be our clothing, music, friends, career paths and beliefs. Sometimes I feel like authenticity becomes death by a thousand judgements.

I’m not promoting recklessness, I’m advocating for every person who passes on their dreams because somebody else casts doubt on their knowing. At the end of the day, you know.

My heart still pounds when somebody I love chooses a path that scares me. Although my instinct will always be to keep them safe, my love reminds me that they are both held and free.

There’s no better time than now darling to fly.