The Gift Of Accountability

How many times have you asked friends or family for their thoughts on how to handle a specific problem or situation? We are constantly asking for input from others on what they would do. It’s amazing how brave we can become when we have the reassurance of others. Yet facing it alone, we can be paralyzed by the idea of failure and owning it all.

Sometimes we really do need help, when we find ourselves in a new predicament and we genuinely aren’t sure on the best solution. It’s our tribe that we trust for advice to make an informed decision. After all, we wouldn’t have chosen them if they didn’t have similar thoughts and beliefs, right?

We all have that one friend who’s completely blunt and honest. They’ll make sure you know if you’re about to screw up or if your ass really does look bad in those jeans. These friends are the best, they aren’t afraid to hurt your feelings because they respect you. If you don’t have one, get one.

There are a million times when we have the solution to our problem already but we ask the question anyway. It’s like in these moments we need the validation to know that our choice is the right one if it’s what most would do.

So, while we think that our reassurance session will make us feel great about our decision, let me just say this. Nothing feels better than accomplishing something all by yourself. If you’ve leaned on your family to help you give yourself permission to make that amazing life changing decision, you don’t get to own all the credit. You share in it.

While there are great moments for collaboration, consider making those really important decisions alone. Too often we end up going against our knowing because we’re influenced by the actions of others. We love that we have so much in common with our friends and family but individuality is necessary for personal growth. It’s important to get with being ok if you’re thoughts are different.

Leaning on others to help you make all of your life choices is like getting your parents to help you with your school science project. You may get a good grade but can you really say you earned it? You’d feel so much more fulfilled if you had really done it on your own.

Check in with your ego. Especially when you know exactly what you need to do and you can’t bring yourself to do it. You don’t need your friend to tell you its ok to break up with someone or change careers. Don’t waste your precious time on dread. Procrastinating your actions because you just can’t handle dealing with an uncomfortable moment is going to cause way more grief than the action itself. Your soul deserves the peace.

We want our own children to grow and build the confidence to navigate their important life choices yet many of us can’t do it as adults. The last thing I want for my children is for them to rely on the good intentions of others to shape their lives.

As our toddlers grow, they plead with us to let them do it themselves. We reluctantly let go of their hand and hold our breath. They prove their independence and we cheer for their accomplishment. In our mind, it will be the first of so many moments of independence in their lifetime, but will it?

When did we stop trusting our own judgement and need the validation of others to navigate our lives? By dismissing your own knowing and always following the advice of others, you miss out on the opportunity to have your own amazing and unique experience.

Asking for help is not the same as asking for validation. If it’s validation you seek, ask yourself if you really need it. Your ego wants it as a safety net. If you fail or misstep, it gives you someone to share in the failure. At the end of the day, we all know that it takes risk to reap rewards. Part of taking a risk is having faith.

Give yourself the gift of full accountability for your successes and bask in the glory of your bravery. Remember how that felt as a child? That wide eyed grin and disbelief that you really did it, all by yourself.

Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently. – Henry Ford